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  • Dawn

No apologies...

Recently, I have casually been doing an inventory of things that make me happy. I say casually because I am not creating a "happy" list per se in my journal or vision board, just becoming more mindful about my reaction to things. And honestly, I am not a huge fan of the word happy. For one, I think it is overused and the definition is all over the map and two, its seems like a location you are trying to get to on the horizon line. Seems close but is it really? Instead, I like the word "content". For me, that conjures up images of things like a fantastic cup of coffee, a snuggly blanket, a book that surprises me, the way I feel after a good workout, a song that triggers good memories or a meaningful conversation with my daughter. It also means if I want to take up tap dancing lessons, learn how to play a guitar or travel the U.S. in a tiny camper, I can do all and any of these things. But I have also come to accept the fact that there will always be things I have dreamed about doing, I will do them once and then decide, "Hmm, that wasn't exactly what I thought it would be. No worries. On to the next thing!" I know when I reach contentment as I can tell my breathing slows down, my heart rate drops and it is as if the universe has conspired to bring me to that moment. For a type A personality like me, it's pure magic.

It was during one of these inventory moments, that I started thinking about how the next ten years or so of my life is going to pan out. And as I did a quick review of those things that make me feel content, it wasn't too hard to say, good heavens, what a potpourri of things? And you know what? I feel damn good about that. Someone else looking at my list might state that I am all over the map. And they would be right. But you know what? I am making no apologies for that. I have decided after almost 50 years on this planet, that how I will live the next 50 years of life will be completely of my own doing. I spent way too many years trying to color within the lines.

That is the benefit of age. I frankly don't give AF about what the majority of people think about what I am doing now or what I might do in the future. I am 150% prepared to deal with any consequences that might come from my actions. I have already done the risk versus reward analysis and it looks quite fine to me. It is unbelievably freeing really. It has taken me awhile but I finally reached a point where I absolutely believe there are just some people who will never like me, don't appreciate my work, what I bring to the table, etc. And I ABSOLUTELY am okay with that understanding. Doesn't mean I dislike them, it just means I am no longer spending any energy trying to prove them wrong. My life is just that...MY life. Think about your own life for a second. Do you have moments of contentment like I mentioned earlier? Those are the things to write down and do more of. Time is flying by. Don't wait. Whatever is stopping you, thinking about why you are letting that happen? I know for me, when I get to the end of my days, I hope people will state "Her life was of her own making." My wish for you is that people are able to say that about you as well.

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