Updated: Jun 10, 2021
Perhaps you have heard this quote before? To me, it is the quintessential theory versus application statement. Basically, until you encounter adversity, how would you actually know what to do when it shows up? I have my own story to share about this. It was with much excitement that I was pushing to get this website launched by February 16, 2021. I was 90% complete on the wording and images and I got my first blog posted. But, as will happen, life had other plans. On February 12th, I received a call that my ex-husband, Mark, had died of an accidental overdose that morning. We had been together twenty years, married for eighteen and have an eighteen year old daughter together. My life has been a whirlwind since then, the majority of my time and rightly so, trying to console my daughter and help her work through her grief. We had been divorced close to nine years, so the emotion I felt was a great sadness but more looking at what he had the potential to become but could not reach. It is this loss of potential that pushes me even harder now. It was heartbreaking to me but made me even more resolute that life is too damn short to sit back and let whatever happen. But it also reminded me that you cannot save other people or make them do anything, as I couldn't do for him. Each of us have a personal journey we are on. As a friend or loved one, you can offer them a certain level of support but that is the best you can do. Eventually, we all have to take personal responsibility for our lives and how this journey we call life goes. I have many things I want to accomplish in my lifetime and I have to admit, it frightens me to think I will run out of time. Since Mark died, I have felt a bit like a ship that has become unmoored. Not lost out to sea but not completely tied up secure either. If there is any silver lining in this situation it is this has caused me to make some wholesale changes in my life as it relates to distancing myself from anything or anyone that does not appreciate my worth as just a member of the human race. This tragedy has opened my eyes and empowered me to quietly remove certain people or situations which are taking away my energy and peace. I don't know if my recent 49th birthday has me looking at things with a more critical eye or if it is the still chaotic and unknown world we live in, but as I think about how the next year until 50 unfolds for me, I am starting to put time to what I want to get accomplished on my next trip around the sun. In many ways, I owe Mark a debt of gratitude because without his passing, I am not sure I would be pushing as hard as I am to divest myself of certain things. I want to get the ship tied back to the dock. I want to just trust the universe and let go of my desire to keep it all together. Because, let's be honest sisters, no one can control much of anything, so stop putting your precious time to it. I know I have burned years of my life on people and things that do not have my best interest at heart. But that ended on February 12th. My vision is much clearer and I am much quicker to take action and that includes telling people "no", in a variety of different forms. But this all goes back to why I started Wild Lilies in the first place. That so many of us, women just like you, have big ideas and future plans in our heads. Life has a way of throwing a wrench into things on occasion. Maybe that wrench is meant to be thrown and the setback needed to happen in order for the best timing to work out? I am choosing to believe that everything happens on its own time, just the way it should. Perhaps not the way or when we wanted it to, but the way it was meant to be. And how could I possibly offer any guidance as a Wild Lily if I only encountered smooth seas? So throw off your bowlines my beautiful flower friends, it's time to head for open water!
-Rest well Mark, you are home-